Atheist Adventures

Making A Silly Christian Think

Friend: I just don't understand why you refuse to see the truth of the Bible.

Me: Well, OK, then let's take a look at your Bible and point out a problem or two that I have with it.

Friend: Alright, sounds fair.

Me: So, first, do you take everything in the Bible to be absolutely true?

Friend: Of course. It is the word of God.

Me: Sure, OK. So you believe in the story of Adam and Eve.

Friend: Of course.

Me: So you believe the entire world's population is the result of inbreeding.

Friend: What? No!

Me: Oh, OK, maybe you can help me understand it better. Let's see, God created Adam and Eve, correct?

Friend.: Yes.

Me: So, then they had children.

Friend: Yes, Cain and Abel.

Me: Um, and... no other children?

Friend: No, just Cain and Abel.

Me: Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrright! I see you are well versed in your scriptures. So, then Cain and Able had children, yes?

Friend: Well, not Abel, he was killed by Cain.

Me: Right, good point. So Cain, the first murderer, gave birth to the rest of the world's population.

Friend: Well, HE didn't give birth, he's a man. His wife did.

Me: Oh, OK. So where did his wife come from?

Friend: Um...

Me: Because you said God created Adam and Eve and they only had two sons, so did God create another woman for Cain to marry?

Friend: ...No.

Me: So, by process of elimination.

Friend: Um, oh god, um... Oh fuck that's terrible! Why did you tell me this?

Me: Well, you did ask.

Friend: Is... Is that all?

Me: Oh no! I have the Bible here in front of me and we are going to go through the whole thing! You are going to LOVE Leviticus.